Meat-Bert VS The World

Can I have a drink please?

2009-06-02T15:32:00.002-05:00

One of the first lessons I learned living on my own was never to go to the grocery store hungry. We've all done it and ended up with a bunch of disgusting crap our pets would never eat. I never considered the ramifications of going thirsty, which I did today. Lets examine my purchases:

8 Sprites, 8 Cokes, Gallon of grapefruit juice, 4 flavored waters, 4 Izze blackberry sodas, 2 large bottles of water, milk, coffee, and a six pack of beer. This does not seem all that much unless you consider that I only bought about 3 food items. I didn't even realize the skewed ratio until I checked out. The funny thing is that one of my impulse purchases included a travel mug to put all my drinks in.

I can't wait to see Jeremy's face when he opens the fridge and finds nothing to eat for dinner tonight. Whatever he eats, he'll have plenty to wash it down with (that's for you, Patrick!).

Beauty Sleep

2009-05-19T11:04:00.002-05:00

I recently purchased a flat iron for my hair. This is no regular run of the mill flat iron, it somehow works magic (little elves inside?) to get hair looking smooth and soft--other devices don't even compare.

I know how to use flat irons, but I thought with the amount of heat my new one pumps out there may be extra precautions, so I decided to actually read the owner's manual. I flipped through it... Don't use in the bathtub or submerge with water. Check. Don't use on skin, near aerosol, or near an open flame. Ok, that sounds like common sense, right? But what I can't get my head around was don't use while sleeping. ??? Some instance of use while snoozing must have occurred for the company to put that in the manual, but for the life of me I cannot come up with a realistic scenario as to what that was. It makes me giggle every time I do my hair.

Now that'll get you going in the morning

2009-04-16T12:37:00.003-05:00

When Jeremy and I leave for the day, we go out our garage, which we have to lift manually. When Jeremy left today, the garage made a bunch of noise as always, and Jeremy added to that noise by throwing a lot of expletives. He bounded back into the house urging me to come look at what he had discovered. By the din he made, I half expected to see a rattle snake, and what was there was just as bad (no, it's not a rat):

This picture does not do much justice to the centipede, but look at the website below and those images are exactly what was in our garage.

This six inch centipede had landed on the ground not two inches from Jeremy's head. The horror! We deliberated on how to handle the situation (I clearly made it known it was a finder's keeper's situation: he found the problem and therefore must keep the responsibility of solution). Would Raid be effective? What would be sturdy enough to beat it? Never did we consider keeping it alive. My wimpy self shut the door and told him to deal with it before I vomited out of terror. Brave Jeremy then picked up a shoe and beat the centipede 10 times to its demise. He then put it in a ziplock bag so we could show our pest guy.

Jeremy using a gopher to put the centipede into a plastic bag.

My stellar researching found this website. Now what is unclear is the nesting habits of this particular breed of centipede. There could be hundreds more for all we know. What I do know is that it will be a long time before I go into the garage again, which is a shame since that is where we keep our brand new washer and dryer. Luckily, I did all my laundry the other day.

Let's give it up for Jeremy. He not only almost got it from a centipede but was able to pull it together to get rid of the problem. He may be Indiana Jones-ish--my hero!

EWWWWW!

2009-04-07T01:18:00.002-05:00

Heffeweizen, in my opinion, is quite a tasty beer. I used to prefer it...I mean, it is cirtusy, refreshing, and colorful. Who wouldn't want to order a pint of unfiltered deliciousness? The answer is now me.

About a year ago one of our drains at work started backing up. After an assessment, it was determined that a plumber was in order. Joseph came by with a big, giant drain snake and started to it. All of a sudden, this oozy, pink, throbbing, and COLD! substance started pouring out. What? It turns out that it was unfiltered yeast that had built up over the year we started serving heffeweizen on tap. It had fingers and a pulse. Did I mention it was cold? The plumber kept saying, "Thank God I know what this is or else I would be vomiting now," while siphoning the pipe with his mouth. He had it all over his hands and keptflicking it all over us. The bartender and I were in awe and quite disgusted. That scene has never left my memory and I no longer enjoy heffeweizen.

I once mentioned this to someone close to me who has someone close to him/her who works at a bar. This person had the same thing happen, only with a dead rat in the center of the madness. That would have sent me over the edge.

I only mention this because today I had a mini-bout with some yeast. Probably about 8 feet of it. And yes, it was cold.

What happens in Vegas...

2009-04-01T11:21:00.003-05:00

Last week, Jeremy and I went on an impromptu jaunt to Las Vegas. The lure of basketball was too much for us to resist. Besides losing our life savings, we had a wonderful time. Here is the best story:

Friday night at about 11pm we were full of cocktails and ready to relocate. We couldn't decide where to go as it was far too early to take it to the hotel. It was a whole lot of "Let's go here...No...how about here..no." and so on. Until it was, "Let's go get married. YES!" So we did.

Although it was sad to not have our family and friends there, it was fun and we are happy.

Ha, Ha...April Fools Day!

Couch update.

2009-03-19T10:51:00.002-05:00

I PROMISE I am not turning this into a couch blog, but I think it must be noted that we have a strict no cat, food, or beverage rule for our couch. With that being said...

My sister came over last night and we were chatting on the couch until we opened a beer and we immediately had to sit on the floor. Same thing this morning--I am enjoying my "morning-off" coffee but cannot do so on the couch. It's probably for the best as I am quite accident prone.

On another note, last night Joolie and I discovered probably the best show on television to date. We couldn't peel our eyes off the screen.

Couch Potato

2009-03-17T15:54:00.003-05:00

In 1996 my college apartment caught fire. It went down in the glory of a 6 alarm fire. Everything was lost, including a new-to-me 8 foot couch that was my prized possession. Later that week, my roommate and I purchased a used couch set for very cheap. It was comfy enough and just cute enough to not be ugly (at the time at least). Over the years, the set turned into just the love seat. This has been our couch--like it or not--until today.

As I blog, I am sitting on the couch that has been my dream since I first spotted it at Crate and Barrel. My sister and I would go there for the sole purpose to sit on it (she has a dream couch there too). It was out of reach until Jeremy and I found it at Haverty's. For over a year we have been measuring and debating and figuring out just how we would get this couch. His parents even gave us the money for it Christmas of 2007. On Saturday, we decided enough was enough and we bought it. With quick delivery, we got it today.

One problem....Our living room is very narrow and the couch swallows it whole. We can no longer call this our living room but rather the couch room. But it is beautiful and everything I hoped for.

So, welcome to adulthood, Meat and Bert! First a washer/dryer, now a couch. What next?

Word-n't you like to be in the dictionary?

2009-02-28T11:42:00.002-06:00

I am very word sensitive. There are certain made-up words that said properly, send me into a white-hot rage. Let's explore:

Sippie cup and ouchless are timeless as I have not enjoyed these words for years now. A sippie cup is the transition from a bottle to a normal cup. It's a wonderful invention from what those with children have told me, but made totally worthless by its name. Ouchless? Really? This term usually refers to hair ties and band-aids. Are people so afraid of the pain these products cause that they wouldn't consider buying them with out the ouch-free promise? UGH!

Taco Bell has coined one of my newest word-nemeses..."melty", as in a delicious, melty taco. You may have noticed that this word is spreading like wildfire. Most fast food commercials now use it to describe their menu items as well. To me, it makes the food sound gross. Kind of like they are using government cheese to produce such melt. I guess we can be thankful that gooey is off the table.

I also have a budding hatred of the term "lol". Although not used as a word per say, it is rampant and in my opinion, often unused. How often does one really crack a joke while texting? And if said person does crack a joke, does he/she lack so much comedic confidence that it is necessary to say "lol"?

I always thought that I stood alone in the word hatred category. I have a friend who hates the word "moist" so much that she refuses to say it. We once went to eat BBQ and she made me order her extra-moist brisket for her. LOL!!!!

Oh, the things I saw yesterday...

2009-02-23T15:12:00.002-06:00

Just a head's up...this blog will be way less interesting than the blog I would have posted the day someone brought a baby kangaroo into the restaurant. I could pretend I was there but that story is so far-fetched that my sister made me show her photographic proof of the incident before she would concede its actuality. So instead, feast your eyes on these tasty stories:

After a long day at work yesterday afternoon, I was off with a friend to have a beer and eat some food. My restaurant is the anchor of a small strip center, through which we must walk to get to the employee area. This may not be news to you, but now a days most strip centers have nail salons, many of which do not feature english-speaking technicians. My restaurant's location is no different. As we walked by the salon, the owner beckoned us over and asked for our help. I do always fashion myself quite the hero, so even thirsty and hungry, we stopped to see if we could be of service. What we found inside was horrifying. A lady was locked in the bathroom--the door had broken. This was no door you would find at your home, it was a commercial door with no ability to mess with the lock from the outside. The nail ladies were frantically trying to free her with a small paperclip and perhaps even a prayer. Once she heard our voices, she started pleading with us to call the fire department. Her voice was a little panicky, so there is no telling how long she had been stuck inside. Once we realized we would be of no use to these people, we advised calling 3-1-1 and went on our merry way. Thirty minutes later the fire department showed up and had to use a sledge hammer to get the door open. I know it is not good karma, but I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. I am quite lucky that I didn't as the bathroom in the salon was occupied.

Since this is a long post, I will skim over the next story. I saw a grown man eschew the bathroom in favor of washing his hands by spraying windex on them. That one is new to me and I couldn't quite get it.

Dry me a river

2009-02-20T22:26:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, I finally got the much anticipated washer and dryer. They are beautiful and currently the most valuable items I own. As soon as the delivery dude left I started attacking my laundry. With our old pair, it would take a long time to dry clothes. It once took me 8 hours for 3 loads, so I was pretty excited to compare the dry time. About midway through the very first load I opened the dryer to gauge progress and noticed that it smelled quite pepperminty in there. I then noticed what looked like tread marks on the dryer. Backtrack for a minute...remember when I washed my ipod? I am not so much with the laundry.

What I found in my dryer was GUM!!!!!! So basically I spent hundreds of dollars on a piece of equipment that will never not have gum stuck in it. From what I can gather, an unopened piece made it past my vigilant pocket emptying process. I wanted to cry. I still do.

On the bright side, that load of laundry smells delicious.

Bert's Half Marathon...The Sequel

2009-02-17T08:25:00.002-06:00

As you probably know, I ran the Austin 1/2 marathon on Sunday, my second this year. The difference between the two is night and day. During #1 (Phoenix), I thought I was going to die and therefore not cross the finish line. #2 was true to the dying part but I always knew I would and could do it. #1 was completely flat and #2 never had a flat moment. The list of differences goes on and on. I choose to not bore you with it.

I will tell you the main difference between Phoenix and Austin: the crowd. When I ran in Phoenix, there was rarely ever a time some spectator was not yelling at you to "Go! You can do it!" Sometimes even in different languages. I had my name on my shirt and people would call me out individually. It was amusing to see those people and it really helped the time pass faster. I kept thinking that if a perfect stranger says I can do it, then I might be able to. In Austin, however, it was so quiet along the race course, I could hear the sole of my shoe squeak. Except for the finish line (which was way better in Austin), there was rarely a time that strangers were yelling at you. At the start line, the runners were actually having to ask the crowd to yell for them. At times, I took matters into my own hands. "Let's hear it for mile 7," I would say. My friends would respond, "Woo Hoo. Arriba!" The other runners would respond with a glare. If they were meaner people, they probably would have told me to shut the F*%# up. Oh well.

The aftermath of #2 is way worse. I am sore from head to toe. Literally, my temples hurt. Walking down stairs is laborious and bending down not yet an option. But it was fun and worth it. I will put the Austin marathon in my heart along with all my other treasured memories. Who is up for a half marathon in April?

Update

2009-02-14T10:09:00.003-06:00

This is the first Saturday since August that I have not had to get up early. It's been nice, but I must find a way to fill my mornings now. No running? What is a girl to do?

As you may remember, I went last Saturday to buy a washer/dryer. It was kind of an urgent situation as my current washer was on its last leg. Fortunately, I found a nice new pair. Unfortunately, my washer broke that same day and I was forced to visit the laundromat this week--my new ones don't come in until Thursday. What is it about laundromats? Do they offer a discount if you bring screaming children? If the answer is yes, do you have a screaming child I can borrow? I did witness a laundromat love connection: A single lady and single dude came in with their daughters who instantly became friends. They seemed to be into each other. When it was time for the dude to leave, the lady rushed over and used a playdate as a ploy to get the dude's digits. As far as I can tell, they are together this morning, sipping coffee and daydreaming about their future life together--they are thinking to themselves that their new family would be perfect given their daughters became such quick friends. Happy Valentine's to them and Mazel Tov!

So looking forward to this weekend: I have an inspirational lunch to attend, a race number to retrieve, and on Sunday, 13.1 miles to run. I wish chocolate candies housed in red hearts and roses to everyone (not me though, I hate Valentine's day)!

Saturday, in the Park....

2009-02-07T09:35:00.003-06:00

Today marked the last Saturday morning run for a while, at least until I join a running group. It was kind of sad. What's always funny about the last of anything is how many people show up for it. Usually Saturday mornings only host about 20 people. This morning, however, there were people whom I had never seen before. I was all like, What? You're on my team? Where the hell have you been? Not really, I don't care that much. I'm just ready for my 1/2 marathon next Sunday.

I do have quite a Saturday to face: I found my freshman year roommate (or at least 1/2 my freshman year. She got kicked out of the dorm a la Michael Phelps) through Facebook. She lives in Ecuador and just happened to land in Austin the day we became "friends." We will lunch along with her husband (Jeremy refuses to go). Then, I will buy a washer and dryer and hang out with my sister, not necessarily in that order. It's possible I will multi-task and do them at the same time. You see, I have not seen my sister in over a month, yet she lives three miles from me and if I don't buy a washer soon I will probably run out of clean laundry. I then plan to go to bed early as I am already POOPED and it is not yet 10am.

I hope your Saturday is as great as I am hoping mine to be!

My Day

2009-02-03T15:43:00.002-06:00

Today I had to run errands for work. Stupid, boring errands. One of my trips included a stop at the Home Depot plumbing section. If you know anything about me, you know that I am always less than impressed by Home Depot's "customer service." It has been my experience that once you can actually find someone in an orange apron, nine times out of ten they have no freakin' clue what they are talking about.

This time I had a plan...I was equipped with the proper lingo and a loose idea of what I needed. Hell, I even had measurements and past experiences with which to reference. I planned on leaving Home Depot victorious and maybe a little more learned about the nuts and bolts (or rather PVC pipes and elbows) about plumbing.

Sadly, I ran into the mother of all misogynists. He kindly smirked at me while talking and then sent me to a product so stupid it made my head want to explode. I patiently explained again what I needed and why his suggestion would not work--I mean, was he even listening to me--and he sent me on my way telling me he could not help. SAY WHAT?

I ended my visit in the electronics area and started talking to the dude there. He was quite helpful and recommended a plumbing supply shop just across the way that would have more know-how on how to fix my problem. I got the feeling he secretly agreed with my anti-Home Depot sentiment but that he really needed to pay the bills.

So, I am off tomorrow to once again experience what it was to be a woman in the 1960's. Thanks to all you feminists who have allowed me equal footing in most places today!

John Wayne is a wuss!

2009-01-31T11:18:00.003-06:00

Does anyone else feel that all John Wayne movies are the same? Mr. Wayne always bosses people around, throws in a good quip here and there, and eventually triumphs over evil. Sometimes he messes people up, other times he bullies his subordinates into doing so for him.

Jeremy's dad believes that John Wayne hung the moon and can't understand why a "yankee" like myself cannot come to appreciate The Duke's awesomeness and the cinematic genius (his words, not mine) of the movies in which he acted. I once told Mr. Dad that I thought Mr. Wayne was a wuss. I once almost got disowned from the in-laws.

Anyways, I bring this up because we are watching the end of The Searchers. Jeremy wants me to watch the whole movie, but I feel I can get the gist by the last 30 minutes. I made my case and he agreed. Is it possible he is a closet Duke hater as well?

That's How We Bowl!

2009-01-29T12:06:00.002-06:00

We are in a bowling league. We cut and pasted some friends from kickball and thus a team was born. Unlike our performance in kickball, our bowling team is actually pretty good. Up until last night we were undefeated.

We played a team named The Ninjas and they are really good. Even our best game can't beat their worst. What really hurts is that we're in second place. BOO!

This is a really boring post, so bye!

Ice Age?

2009-01-27T19:02:00.002-06:00

Every winter, there is at least one mention of a wintry mix. What the weathermen predict involves a giant block of ice--don't leave your house or you could die!

Tonight happens to be such a night. Keep in mind I haven't had access to the weather all day, so this could all be in my mind. It makes me daydream of a fully iced-in city where I don't have to go to work. My street would be un-drivable and therefore I would be able to ride down the steep hill by my house on a cookie sheet without any fear of imminent death. I would wear the ski clothes I own for the second time and make snowangels and laugh and giggle until it was time to have hot chocolate (the only thing in my pantry at the moment) with peppermint schnapps and play cards with Jeremy all day long.

I'm sorry, was I rambling?

I hope you stay warm.

1/2 Marathon Epic

2009-01-24T10:23:00.002-06:00

A week ago, I was in sunny Phoenix where the temperature lingered around 80 degrees. This morning, I ran in the blustery 37ish mark. What a difference!

The 1/2 marathon was an amazing experience. It was hot and hard--at the time I hated life. The night before the race, we went to a dinner that had an inspirational speaker who had us rolling on the floor in laughter. In his closing remarks, he mentioned that the best feeling of the race is when you know that you are going to finish. Well, even as I crossed the finish line (the ACTUAL finish, not the fake finish that they don't tell you is fake but put it there for photo ops. Bastards!) I never felt that feeling. The only thought running through my head at the end was that I needed to find the med tent so I could ice my knees which started really hurting at about mile .5. While running the 13.1 miles, I cursed a lot, sometimes in my head and sometimes out loud. I kept asking myself why I got into this stupid running hobby. I kept telling myself that I would never run again.

30 minutes after the finish, it started to dawn on me that I had accomplished my goal. Maybe not as well as I had originally wanted to, but finished none the less and it felt good. The more the days pass from the race, the more fond of it I become. I made sure to study the race map after so I wouldn't forget a single moment.

I think the best part of the whole thing is the honor I had of my cheering section. My cousin's wife made the most beautiful signs and my group of 11 or so cheered the loudest of any other group I saw. It was touching and amazing to see people whom I love share in my hard work (they had just as good a time being spectators too!) I am horrible about sharing pics online, so you can check out my folks' blog for some if you care.

So, what's next, you ask? The Austin 1/2 marathon in February. I'd like to think that I'll retire my running shoes after that, as my body is clearly not made for long distance races, but I seriously doubt it.

Thanks to everyone for putting up with me over the past six months and supporting me when I thought it was not possible! You may be able to toast to jog-free blog, but I cannot guarantee that.

In-awe-guration

2009-01-22T10:20:00.002-06:00

Hey everybody! We're back! Before I even consider telling you about the 1/2 marathon, I must first tell you about my first day back to work:

I walked into work at about 11am (CST). The restaurant was full of people who had requested to watch the inauguration ceremony (we even had the sound of the TV's on). I swear for the duration of his speech you could hear a pin drop in the restaurant. No one was speaking, just kind of tranced toward the television. The phone didn't ring, time just stood still. The minute Obama said, "God Bless America," everything went back to business as usual. Just like that. I guess no matter your political alliance, it is nice to see a president who can orate, not wait and cross one's fingers that he won't say something absolutely stupid.

What's Up!

2009-01-08T12:38:00.002-06:00

As if apparent tendonitis in my right foot was not enough, I now have been diagnosed with an IT Band strain. I am sports therapy for this condition. Less therapy than torture. As my race is now 10 days away, I am forced to visit the doctor nearly every day before I leave. They poke and prod me and get upset with me if I am not screaming in pain. It makes me grouchy and I can't tell whether or not it is working.

The grouchiness became actually a good thing the other day when I went to Target, which is now once again quiet and enjoyable. I have a problem of overspending there, especially on many, many impulse buys. But the other day, I had 4 things on my list and left with 6 items. The two extra items were forgotten from my list and definitely needed. I consider that a great victory and was quite proud of myself. I was too grouchy to buy what I would usually consider cute things.

Anyways, as I mentioned, I am 10 days out from my race. I am a nervous wreck and quite honestly freaking out. Hopefully I'll get to calm down and enjoy my stay in the Valley of Sun. Check out this website if you are the tiniest bit curious about the race. Otherwise, you'll just have to stay posted to hear about my time (I'm not sure if I'll take the time to blog between now and then).

2008 in Review

2009-01-03T09:34:00.002-06:00

I meant to post this earlier, but somehow I ran out of time. Most people spend their New Year with bunches of resolutions. I have spent mine reflecting on how amazing it is that my life seems to get better every year. I don't need resolutions (although I have a few) because I trust that somehow this year will be better than last. That does however mean that 2009 is going to be pretty fun. Here is a synopsis of 2008 for both Meat and Bert:

January: I don't remember much of this but I know that Meat took a fun trip to Las Vegas.
February: Same as January, but change Meat's trip to Breckenridge for a very cold man ski trip.
March: My sister got married. Two days later, Meat moved to Washington DC for 4 months. Bert goes to Vegas.
April: My college roommate married. One week later, I starred in a commercial. Also, I went for a week to DC.
May: Meatbertvstheworld was born!
June: After long last, Meat returned home from DC.
July: Lots of trips to the lake, fireworks galore, fun times for summer.
August: Bert joined Team in training. Meat and Bert took a long weekend in San Francisco.
September: Bert discovers her love of running and never stopped talking about it. We rejoined a kickball league.
October: Meat and Bert take a week long trip to both Port Aransas and Las Vegas. Bert turns 24.
November: Meat turns 25. Thanksgiving was full of good food, football, and lots of family.
December: Holidays, fun, and lots of food!

We both feel very lucky to have had such a wonderful year. Welcome, 2009!

Christmas Hangover

2008-12-27T09:59:00.003-06:00

After all my denial that the holiday season was here once again, Christmas is now over. Every year I complain that holiday music seeps into our lives way too early, I laugh at those getting an early start, and save my shopping for the very last minute. The result is on December 26th, I rue that I did not savor the season enough.

This is the first year that I had money left over (in fact I even got paid today). This is also the first year the holiday activities forced me into a mini-coma. I was so exhausted from the past week of fitting in parties, work, shopping and cooking that I fell asleep last night at 7:30 and did not get up until 9 this morning. I felt great until I walked downstairs and saw my living room looking like Christmas threw up on it. So now I must clean. I hope you are having a great holiday week so far!

My weekend in Plano so far...

2008-12-21T10:12:00.002-06:00

...has been delightful! It started Friday evening with the extended side of the family. Look here for explanation.

Last night, I attended the 15th annual gift exchange for all the girls that I have known for 25 years now. They're catty and loud and nice and great fun to be around. Our gift exchange is one where you can steal people's presents. It gets a little heated and everyone screams at eachother. The hot items are house wares for those who live in surburbia. I got a gift certificate to Sephora.

I have been unable to attend this party in a few years, so it was interesting to see how the group dynamic has changed. There was a lot of baby talk, which I don't understand. Everyone looks good and has calmed down quite a bit, which fit in more with my personality.

Now, I have to drive back. Boo.

Restaurant Stories...

2008-12-18T18:36:00.002-06:00

Those of you who follow my blog or my life in general have been privy to interesting customer stories. It's quite amazing the people and situations I have faced--every time I am in such a situation, I feel that it will never get weirder/grosser/meaner than that instance. Here are some stories of a certain group. It does involve a little background, so be patient with me...

I work in one of the more affluent areas in Austin. As such, the panhandlers are of special breed. There are 3 or 4 (depending on the season) that hold down the corner. There is a papa bear, and a blind bear (he doesn't come around very often) and two faux military cubs, one of whom's barf I had to clean up. Papa bear is pretty cool. He has Parkinson's and his disability barely pays his rent. You can always count on him for a kind word or extremely raunchy joke. The others I could punch in the face. Would you like to know what happens after shots of tequila and many beers? Neither did I.

A few months ago, a customer approaches me to inform me the men's room "needs a little attention." I sent a waiter in there to see what the problem was. He immediately came back with a horrible look on his face and informed me someone had vomited over the entire bathroom. That's right, pizza! How he got pizza is beyond me... Anyways, that evening I found no less than three piles across the restaurant of regurgitated pizza I had to make disappear. Somehow, now he has become the responsible one.

Younger cubbie bear likes to make the waiters do extra work and then not tip. Well, actually, that is not true. His favorite phase is, "Here is my tip for you: don't walk in a dark alley without a knife. Har. Har. Har."

So, I guess in one's life you can expect to clean throw up from now to then, but this dude did something that made my jaw drop. He was very upset that we were not allowing him to drink anymore. So instead of leaving, he took his empty glass to his nose and blew out as much snot as his body weight. Trust me when I say you would be surprised by how much snot a human body is capable of putting into a pint glass. He then put the glass on the bar as if nothing ever happened. Seriously?

I have no cute way to wrap up this story. I only wish this dude a job and mental stability. And that he will not visit my establishment until both those things grace his life.

Are you curious?

2008-12-15T20:23:00.002-06:00

My sister's blog is always so interesting. She has the amazing ability to turn a mundane activity into an enthralling blog post that leaves you wondering what will go on in her life on the next day.

When certain things happen to me, a lightbulb goes off and I say to myself, "that is very blogworthy. I shall blog about it then." So when Joolie and I were at Target the other night and something very interesting happened, I called "Blog!"

So my sister and I were at Target on Saturday shopping for Christmas tree decor. She needed a tree skirt for her very first real tree. It was not a second after we decided all the tree skirts
were trash that the power went out. It got so dark that people screamed. I immediately grabbed for my sister and grappled for my cell phone (one of my favorite flashlights). The lights were out for less than 30 seconds before the back up generator kicked in. By the way, Targets have a back up generator for power outages. We continued to shop at 25% power and walked with our purchases in no more time than would usually take. Target people walked around the aisles pretending to assist us in finding what we needed. We were on to them, they were making sure we were not thieving.

What was most surprising about the situation is when we left the store a gentleman stood outside and offered us escort to our car. The parking lot was pretty dark.

I told my friend this story. I highlighted the near seamless transition from full power to generated. He said that once, while shopping at Walmart, a freak storm blew in and the power went out. All patrons of the Walmart were immediately sent out in the elements with not so much as a "Have a nice day," or "Come back when it is not raining." The doors were locked behind them and it closed for a few hours. I guess that is what people get for shopping at Walmart. Score one for Target!

I think my sister would be upset with me if I didn't mention that in the darkness we purchased the wrong lights and had to return 15 minutes later for more. We were a little sad to find the Target up and running like nothing ever happened. The end.

What a week!

2008-12-13T11:04:00.002-06:00

Not very much going on here....

It snowed on Tuesday. For the first time in my life I decided to not see it. I was already in bed with the covers to my chin before I heard on the news of a wintry mix. I was too warm and comfortable to see it. Oh well.

Other than that, it has been work and run and nothing else.

I'm going to lunch with my sister today, and maybe some Christmas shopping, but my legs hurt from my run this morning, so I can't make that promise.

Have a good weekend!

Brrrt

2008-12-06T18:22:00.002-06:00

Bert ran 11 miles today! I rarely stopped to run. I feel pretty good about myself, but my knees are quite upset with me. My race is only 2.1 miles more than my run this morning, so I am confident I will do it and kick some butt!

Anyways, there are only 42 days until my race. That seems like a long time, but not with how fast this whole experience has passed me by. If you are interested in seeing my fundraising progress, please go here.

After my run, my dear Jeremy took me to a breakfast deserving of a truck driver. Then, it was naptime!

Haven't done much since....

Jeremy is hanging Christmas lights and I am going to quit rambling.

i Can't Believe i Just Did This...

2008-12-03T21:18:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, I bought a new running jacket. It is so soft and comfortable. What makes it so special and cool is a secret inner pocket for one's ipod. It even has a little loop on the collar so you can run your earphones and not worry about cord interference. They make things so technology convenient these days.

I first sported this jacket last night at my team run. We run on a track and quite fast, so high-beat music is a good aid. After the run, we do core exercises and listening to music would be rude to the coaches. So, I put my ipod in that cool little pocket.

I just finished a load of white clothes this evening. As I was putting my clothes in the dryer, I noticed something tangled in my socks. Can you guess what it was?

That's right, folks, my ipod! I am not holding out hope that it is salvagable, my experience with technology has taught me that electronics do not like a whole bunch of water. I am very sad because I have become quite attached to that little bugger. It is perfect, and I am stupid sometimes....

Hello, my name is spaz!

2008-11-29T07:35:00.002-06:00

The weekend is going well. Turkey was delicious--Jeremy's mother heard that if you roast a turkey upside down all the juices run to the breast. She was correct, my friends, and it was probably the best Thanksgiving dinner I have ever had.

The game went in our favor. The stadium is big. The beers were cold. etc, etc.

The one difference about this weekend is that I cannot shut up. I have had so much energy lately that I seriously have not stopped talking. The couple that came in town from Orlando has the gift of gab and they could not get one word in edgewise. It's pretty remarkable, but even more so that Jeremy has not killed me yet. We have been in the car for a combined 7 hours and I have kept my life thus far.

Just wish us luck tomorrow on the way home. Hopefully you will hear from me again on Monday.

This is how I (casse)roll

2008-11-25T23:12:00.002-06:00

As you may be aware, Thursday is Thanksgiving. I have two signature dishes for the day of thanks...corn casserole and pecan pie (mine is special because it lacks corn syrup, which is terrible for one's digestive system). So this evening I baked the two while simultaneously mopping my kitchen floor.

This will be my last post for the week. I have a busy one! Tomorrow, I work at 6am (it's way past my bedtime), then I drive to San Antonio. Tomorrow night, we are having a birthday dinner for both Jeremy and his mother whose birthdays fall 4 days apart.

Thursday morning I wake up early to run the San Antonio Turkey Trot, go back to help cook lunch, eat lunch, drive back to Austin, tailgate, attend the UT football game, then go have beers with our friends in town from Orlando. I am tired just thinking of all this activity.

Then on Friday, we drive to Dallas for my step-cousin's Bat Mitzvah. There are events from dinner Friday to brunch Sunday. We then drive back to Austin because I have to work Sunday night.

I hope you and yours have a great holiday. Don't eat too much and give thanks to the wonderful things in your life.

Off Topic

2008-11-24T20:38:00.002-06:00

As some of you may know, Jeremy and I (emphasis on the I part) agreed to start a blog that allowed us to air our pet peeves of the world. We were becoming tired of complaining to one another and wanted a new audience. Thus, Meatbert was born!

The reality of our blog is that I have taken it over with my jog blogs and goofy stories. Jeremy actually only checks it every 3 weeks. He apparently is not a big fan. Maybe he just doesn't have much to complain about lately....but let's get real.

I have noticed something that has been bugging the daylights out of me. Here is the deal--if you own a big, giant, gas guzzling car, LEARN TO DRIVE IT!

I first noticed this phenomenon last week at Target. I was walking back to my car with the cart when I encountered a brand new Lincoln Navigator that had to make a six point turn to get out of the spot. This bugged me for several reasons...1. My Target just opened in October and the parking lot was designed for all the suburbanites with larger cars that live in my neighborhood. By this I mean the spaces are roomy with large aisles for one's reversing pleasure. 2. It is my understanding that newer, bigger SUVs are designed to drive like a car, with good turning radii and brake ability. 3. I had to stop and wait several minutes for the six point turn. Really, it was amazing that the driver didn't know to turn the steering wheel when backing up. 4. The Lincoln Navigator's new ad campaign boasts spaceship like abilities. Let's get real. I could have pushed that SUV out of that spot with the emergency brake on faster than that douche bag drove out of it.

Ever since that day, I have noticed this kind of behavior all over the city. I drive a small car that I love and I refuse to be bullied by a soccer mom trying to drive her big car while simultaneously talking on her cell phone and feeding her children (who are probably spoiled brats).

So, for those of you out there who fit my description, learn to drive!

10 Milestones

2008-11-22T18:18:00.002-06:00

This morning, I ran 10! miles. I feel pretty accomplished because a few months ago I never would have thought I could do it. I also was proud that I ran most of the mileage, only walking during the big hills on my route.

Those experienced in the running world tell you to take an ice bath after a long run. It constricts your blood vessels, preventing swelling. You are supposed to fill your bathtub 1/4 full, add 20 lbs of ice, then marinate in the chilliness like a shrimp cocktail for 10-15 minutes. My coaches personally swear by this method and tell you to take one each time you see them. This is how it goes:

Coach: How was your run today?
Runner: Great/Not so great (depending on the day)
Coach: Don't forget to take an ice bath!

The thought of cold water always makes me crazy. I don't like to swim in sub 80 degree water. But today I was feeling a little achy and I was already cold, so I decided to give it a go.

OMG!!!!! The minute I put a toe in the water, I knew how un-fun it was going to be. I put on 4 layers of shirts, topped with a sweatshirt hoodie and rocked myself back and forth. There was a point of time (about minute 4) that my legs were shaking so badly I had to hold them down. Admittedly, the 10 minutes went by faster than I imagined they would. The worst part is that I can't tell whether or not it worked. Surely it must have, but my legs are uber sore and my feet have been cold ever since.

So, next time you physically exert yourself, try it. It's at least interesting to empathize with those suffering from hypothermia.

My sister....

2008-11-20T17:04:00.001-06:00

.....is lots of fun but sometimes sits on my couch, gorges a protein bar, and tells me to dust my lights. We are trying to garner energy to shop, so wish us luck.

Aint nothin' gonna break my stride....

2008-11-17T13:59:00.002-06:00

.....I'm running and I can't stop now, oh no, I got to keep a movin'.

I can't remember who sings that song or any other lyrics that comprise it, but that's what I sang in my head on Saturday while running.

That's right, my friends, I'm back! My foot still aches, but no longer with crippling pain. It was nice to be back in the world of runners, especially on a brisk morning. I was a little nervous, but I did quite well. I just have to remember to take it easy, as I truly feel my injury is the result of over-training. I'll have to cut back to 3 or 4 days a week instead of the 5 I was sustaining.

Anyways, last week was jam-packed with fun. Jeremy turned 27 for the umpteenth time. Happy Birthday, Meat! We got a new refrigerator after weeks and weeks of urgent emails to our property manager. The compressor was making horrible sounds and we were sure all the groceries we got last week would spoil. They have in a way because I won't eat them--I have a food handler's certification and I cannot be certain those items were held at proper temperatures for a sustained period of time. Improper food handling is kind of my phobia. In order to get my certification, I took a course that spent 3 hours describing the diseases you can contract from food. That course caused me to have nightmares that I was eating raw ground beef for almost a year.

My room organization is going slowly but surely. I bought another dresser. Jeremy and I finally agreed on a couch to purchase, and it's lovely. The only problem is that our living room is three times longer than it is wide, so the couch is going to swallow it whole. But it's lovely.

The weather is beautiful but causing both Meat and Bert problems. Meat's of the perpetual runny nose variety and Bert's of the achy sinuses. It's nothing a little Claritin and netti-pot can't cure.

So, life is good here. I hope you are doing just as well.

I've Been Had!

2008-11-10T15:02:00.002-06:00

So I am out shopping today for my massive room organization (oh, did I mention I am massively organizing my room?) in a shopping center with tons of stores that deserve my patronage. After stop 3 of 4, two big ladies practically accost me in the parking lot rambling on and on and on about the fact they are out of gas, no one will help them, it's about to rain, blah, blah, blah. They yelled in my ear and everything. Now, I rarely fall for this kind of transparant BS, but while accosted I was searching my purse for keys and 2 dollar bills happened to be at the top of my purse--my usual response is to fib and say that I don't have any cash. Really, who carries cash anymore? I feared an ass-kicking so those ladies got my money. Bitches!

That's not the worst part...

I feared they may ask me for a ride to the gas station (they pointed to a sad looking car across the parking lot) so I walked the 1/4 mile to the next stop, The Container Store. Usually the walk would not bother me, but my foot is still in a considerable amount of pain, and as the ladies pointed out, it was about to rain.

Long story less long, I dragged my bulky purchases back from The Container Store only to find an empty spot where the alleged sad, gasless car used to reside. It would have been impossible for those ladies to get gas in the 20 minutes it took me return to my vehicle, even if someone took them to a gas station.

My guess is they had to scarf down some Taco Cabana (which happens to be in this shopping Mecca as well). At least I didn't get rained on.

New Here!

2008-11-06T09:59:00.002-06:00

It has come to my attention that my blog is boring. I often feel pressure to blog, even when I am uninspired. The result is a bunch of poorly written posts that go nowhere.

My solution, you ask...

Hangman! Check it out to the right. But, be careful, it is kind of hard, or at least the word I got. Cavitation. Never heard of it, so I killed the poor cartoon bastard. He's pretty cute though.

Anyways, have fun.

Ow! My foot hurts

2008-11-04T10:25:00.003-06:00

I absolutely hate going to the doctor. You sit in a tiny room listening to nurses talk smack about patients through what should be a thicker door while you wait an extra 20-30 minutes to see the nurse and another 20 minutes to see the person with whom you actually made the appointment. Every doctor's office I have been to is the exact same, down to the fake walnut cabinets full of swabs and latex gloves. The minute I sit in an examination room (I decided to not abbreviate to appease Shelly), I can feel my blood pressure soar. I always feel better psychosomatically to give myself a rationale to escape the poking and prodding that is sure to come.

Today I visited the doctor because I am experiencing foot pain. I have had problems walking for a couple of days now. It is more than likely tendonitis, but could be due to the fact that they found an extra bone in my foot. Who knows? The good news is that it is unlikely a stress fracture which would have prevented me from running my race in January. Nevertheless, my feet are still cold from my visit and my blood pressure is still not back to normal. I got prescriptions for pills and creams and have to ice my foot 3 times a day. Hopefully that will help.

A little TLC is in order, so Jeremy and I are going on a voting date. I figure I will still be on edge until they announce the new president. Go America!

Meatbert's Bad Mood Elixir

2008-10-28T12:18:00.002-05:00

If you are in a bad mood, follow these simple instructions:

First, join these people.

Add a grill full of chicken fajitas, some cold beer, and this team.

Kick a giant red ball around a field and loosely follow the softball rules. Hit a homerun, watch a teammate break a tendon in her middle finger, and lose with grace to good people.

If you follow these simple instructions, a good mood is sure to follow!

Sadly, this week is the last for the fall kickball season (unless we pull off some miracle and make the playoffs).

Jeremy and I joined kickball a few years ago and we both just love it. We have met so many good people and lost so many games (we are not very good). I'm counting the weeks until spring when we can play again.

We Rock! Or rather Happy B-day to me.

2008-10-22T16:25:00.002-05:00

As I grow older, I become more and more fascinated with video games. When Jeremy bought his Playstation 2, I thought it was a bit juvenile, but a few months ago I almost bought a Wii. I think it looks like the coolest thing ever and I can imagine myself spending endless hours playing at home. Who doesn't have that kind of time?

My beloved, sensing my growing immaturity, got me the best birthday present ever. Rock Band! It really does rock! Jeremy shreds the guitar while I pound on drums and we giggle the entire time.

Last night a friend of ours stayed here while in town on business. I wondered how we would get him to agree to play until he saw the drums and immediately lit up. Thus, a true band was born. The three of us rotated instruments--2 songs on each instrument (guitar, drums, and vocals).

Our friend has a deep, resonating voice and when he stays here, his timbre echoes through the walls. He uses a lot of "dudes" in his vocabulary and he talks to you as loud as he would if you were across a football field from him. His singing was the exact opposite...a slight whisper with a high pitch that you would expect from an 8 year old girl named Mary Alice. When I first heard him sing, I laughed so hard that the drumstick fell out of my hand and we all got booed off the stage.

If you ever want to have the most fun ever, call me up and we'll jam! I think this is a true instance of a gift that keeps giving. Rock on, my friends.

Oh My Gato, Numero Tres

2008-10-21T01:57:00.002-05:00

Back by popular demand (not really).......

My cat loves my closet. It is full of things she adores and I don't allow her to go in there so it is forbidden fruit. Every chance she gets she tries to nose her way in there, every time she does I yell at her in a way that makes my throat hurt (I'm trying to scare her away from there). Today when I was unpacking from my trip(s), she snuck in. I was in a time crunch and not at all in the mood to fight, so I let her nap by my slippers.

I had a nagging feeling when I left for work this afternoon. Did I forget to turn the iron off? No, my clothes are definitely wrinkled....Hmmm.....

I arrived at work and was immediately distracted by a giant, gaping hole in front of the restaurant (last week the water main busted and we have had problems since). I sat down to a meeting and thought, "oh shit." I was pretty sure at that time that I had locked her in. I made a mental note to call either Jeremy or the girl who watched her last week to ask if either could liberate Luckbert. But someone came around the corner and asked me where to find the mayo and I forgot all about it.

It was not until about 5 minutes ago that I remembered. I have yet to survey the damage and see what she deemed worthy of a litter box: Jeremy sleeping and I don't want to disturb him. I must say I am pretty scared because clothes are strewn EVERYWHERE in there, and they are my favorites to boot.

Upon further consideration I now realize the water main story would have been so much more entertaining. Unfortunately for you, the reader, too much of my energy was spent writing about my stupid cat. Sorry you have to bear the burden of my refusal to waste 5 minutes erasing my hard work. Look on the bright side, maybe my cat will be traumatized by this whole experience and never want to go in my closet again.

We're BAAAAACK!

2008-10-20T00:10:00.002-05:00

So, the week-long trip, which I like to call the visit to LaLa Land, is over.

The first leg brought us to Port Aransas, TX where gas is $2.40 a gallon and the sun shines even in October. I learned that in order to see the true open road you must drive on highways that do not contain the word "interstate." I thought I had seen most of Texas in all its splendor. Let me tell you , you have not seen Americana until you pass through towns like Panna Maria, Texas--ghost towns that have no apparent economy but still 5 stoplights and 35mph speed limits.

It was nice to relax with good people on the beach.

The second leg? Not so relaxing but equally fun. Las Vegas! I absolutely love that place. Where else can you walk around the street at 6am with a beer in hand, laughing at the joggers?

We went with my parents and my cousin and his wife who we get along with great. Jeremy lost his ass, but after an all-nighter I wound up breaking even. My birthday passed and I feel younger than I have in a while. I know I keep promising it, but maybe pictures later.....

hello

2008-10-08T22:49:00.002-05:00

I've been so busy lately that I haven't found time to do anything remotely blog-worthy. As you know, I have been working and running a lot. Also every Wednesday night I play kickball...more to come about that later.... Incidentally, we won our game this evening.

Anyways, with all this going on, I have decided to take a week long vacation. I am going 2 places--the beach and Las Vegas.

It doesn't seem as if I will have time to write before I leave, so farewell and I will see you next week!

Team in Training Update

2008-10-06T13:00:00.002-05:00

I've just done some accounting and in 2 weeks, I have raised $2,500! Some of the donations are from checks mailed to my house and will post in a few days. Don't forget to visit my website to check on my progress.

The runs are going well...getting better everyday. This week starts a 5 run a week schedule and it will be interesting to see how I fit that in my busy days.

Thanks to all who have donated!

Frosty!

2008-10-05T22:36:00.001-05:00

I can't imagine anything better after a long day at work than a nice, frosty beer, which is what I quickly retrieved after work today. To make things even better, my very favorite movie in the whole wide world is on television. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, ANNIE!

Who doesn't adore a little red-headed orphan?

Mi Hermana

2008-10-01T10:31:00.004-05:00

Anyone who knows the tiniest little bit about me knows how much I adore my sister. I can't even begin to put into words what our relationship is and today, she made me mist up a little bit with her blog post today.

Thanks, sistery-sister!

And by the way, happy October!

To my family, RABBIT RABBIT RABBIT!

My Vow

2008-09-27T10:06:00.002-05:00

This will be the only day I blog without having much to say. I got up and ran 6 miles this morning. It is very pretty outside and not too hot. We ran in an older neighborhood that has a mixture of very old houses and ones that are brand new--their owners razed the old houses to build some very interesting ones. It made for nice scenery.

I am obviously not very good at writing when I have nothing to say. IT BEGS THE QUESTION... How do people do it?

Oh My Gato, Part Deux

2008-09-25T12:00:00.002-05:00

A while back, I checked my mail to find a flyer of a missing cat from the neighborhood. There are always publications of this sort as I live in the Hill Country, rife with predators who enjoy feasting on felines. Any veteran cat owner in this area knows to never leave their cats out after dark or risk them getting eaten by a coyote or whatever else is hungry around here. Here is my version of the note, paraphrased so as to not risk plagiarism:

Hello. I am new to the neighborhood and my cat has been missing for 2 days. He refuses to wear a collar, so we don't make him. (Insert description of said cat here). He is very cute, and I know you have him, so give him back.

Say what? Here is my tip for whomever wrote that flyer. If you are missing your cat and pleading for the public's help in relocating him, it is probably not a good idea to accuse each and every neighbor in the area of stealing your pet. We all have our own pets and don't need your stupid cat, lady. I am so sure.

P.S. As I am writing this, my watch arrived!

Jog Blog!

2008-09-24T13:47:00.002-05:00

I just ordered myself a new toy.

I got it at a discounted price and opted for next day delivery. It should be here tomorrow!

The Circle of Life

2008-09-24T08:35:00.002-05:00

The other morning I had to arrive at work before the sun was up. When I pulled into my parking spot, something moving caught my eye. I thought it may be a possum or a raccoon, but it was the legend of the live armadillo, which in Texas is an oxymoron. In fact, I have lived in this state for 27 years and cannot remember ever seeing one. I scrambled for my phone to take a picture, but I was too late. Oh well.

This morning I was driving near my work and noticed something dead in the road. As you can probably guess, it was an armadillo, on its back with all four legs sticking straight up. I can't help but wonder if it is the same one I saw on Monday. I can only assume since armadillos are not the smartest of animals, there aren't very many of them left in the world. Whether the same or not, we can all mourn the loss of one less animal on our planet. RIP, Armie.

ACHOO!

2008-09-20T09:34:00.002-05:00

The one downside of living in Austin is allergies. From about this time to mid-May there is much complaining of achy heads, clogged ears and runny noses. For the longest time, I was immune. The past year or so I have joined the masses in the perpetual nose run. This season started on Wednesday (can I blame the butterflies)?

It would only make sense to stay indoors where you are less susceptible to the allergens, but with the gorgeous weather and my commitment to run, I have found that near impossible. But I must admit that I feel horrible. Damn ragweed!

I have heard a tip that if you eat a tablespoon of local honey* a day, your allergies will be severely reduced. Apparently, since bees are pollinators, your body ingests the allergens therefore making you immune to them in the air. It seems far fetched, but if honey didn't make me want to wretch, I would totally try it.

*I heard a funny story about local honey: There is a co-op grocery store near the UT campus. One day sorority girls started shopping there for honey of all things--they are not the usual demographic for this store and the employees were curious as to why the sudden surge of bowheads. Once asked, one girl answered, "I heard this was the place to get lo-cal honey. I didn't realize it was so fattening." I guess they couldn't figure out why their local grocery store didn't sell the less fat option. Ha!

Butterflies

2008-09-19T12:19:00.002-05:00

I went to San Antonio on Wednesday to see a middle school football game. It was hilarious! Driving in to the city, I started to see lots of monarch butterflies. They were distracting. I would look at one and think how beautiful it was until smack! I hit it with my windshield. This kept happening and it was making me uneasy. The further into the city I went, the more butterflies were around for me to accidentally murder.

It turns out that monarch butterflies are migratory. They spend the winters in Mexico and the summers in San Antonio (not really but you wouldn't know it by how many were flying around). I guess with the first sign of it cooling down they high tail it out of the country.

This is my teaching lesson to you. If you too love butterflies, then stay away from San Antonio for the next couple of days so you don't kill 100 like me. But maybe you should go because it is sort of magical to see them fly around, ready for winter vacation.

This Morning

2008-09-17T07:47:00.002-05:00

I was up this morning for my 5:45 run. I have been doing this run for the past couple of weeks, but this one was different. It was chilly! I had to go back inside and put on a sweatshirt. It took a couple of laps to take it off.

Even better than the chill in the air was the sunrise. It was colorful and beautiful--full of purple, orange, red and blue. It is always so nice to feel accomplished before the sun is even up.

Today is Day #2 of my rest from work. I'm having lunch with a friend from Dallas and I may go to San Antonio to see Jeremy's nephew, Jacob's first middle school football game. He is almost 13 and cute as can be and probably very excited about tackling someone. Go Team!

Ahhhh...Contentment!

2008-09-16T12:55:00.002-05:00

For the first time in a long time, I have nothing to do! I have many things that I can do, but today, I have nowhere to be. Anything I do today is my choice. That is a great feeling after the two weeks that I have gone through. It seems I have done nothing but work and run since my return from San Francisco. Even my "days off" have been spent in some meeting or another.

So what am I doing? Right now, I am sitting on the couch with the windows open. I am blogging while listening to birds and the distant hum of a leaf blower. I may or may not decide to take a cat nap. Who knows?

It's nice to have choices.

I got Iked

2008-09-15T21:42:00.003-05:00

Okay. So it seems the only thing people are able to talk about lataely is Hurricane Ike. Granted, it was quite a storm, but the ability of people to overreact never ceases to amaze me. By Thursday most weather models had the track of Ike steering away from Austin, and by Friday morning, it became clear that we would not even see a drop of rain. Not even a drop! In fact, as far as Austin goes, it was named Hurricane Psych.

That didn't stop people around here from buying generators, stocking up on food, canceling work, and closing up shop all around town. I happen to work in a restaurant. The only time we shut down due to weather is when ice fell on the city, rendering it too slippery to drive. Many of my sister stores still opened their doors, but my particular shop resides at the corner where most ice-related incidents happen so no one in the neighborhood was out that day. It was not cost effective to open our doors.

Long story short, we were going to open regardless of Ike. I can't even begin to describe to you what thousands of electricity-less people visiting friends and family in the city does to business (my area didn't see as many buses of evacuees but people who wanted to get the heck out of dodge). We were ridiculously crazy and saw record sales all weekend. So, we got Iked!

I should say that my thoughts go out to all those affected by this monster storm. I know it is a little selfish to speak of my gain through million's hard times. Best to you and yours.

To Ike or not to Ike

2008-09-10T22:18:00.002-05:00

Joolie and I are debating whether or not Ike will bring us rain. I am of the school that if some giant hurricane hits anywhere near our area it will bring rain, dry side or not. Joolie is cursing the hurricane for potentially allowing us to sustain our drought. Don't get me wrong...we don't want damange, just rain. We are thirsty. Gustav brought us not even a drop. I wish the best to those whose areas are affected by Ike, and I wish our area at least an inch of rain. Do you think we'll get a f-ing drop or not?

A Sign of the Times

2008-09-09T12:06:00.002-05:00

Jeremy and I have a phone line at home that we rarely ever use. To me, it seems its sole purpose is to aid me when I cannot locate my cell phone. The only people who have the number are telemarketers. No, we don't want to save money on car insurance. Yes, Jeremy has already consolidated his student loans. The only success of our land line is to cost us $40 or so a month.

We had been tossing around the idea of getting rid of it. Recently, Jeremy came to me and told me he was just going to do it. What had he been waiting for? He sat down, dialed the 800 number, had a quick conversation, and hung up the phone.

I was not expecting to hear that he had been persuaded to keep the line. The operator asked him what he would do if he needed to call 911 but his cell phone battery was dead. Wouldn't that be the moment of ultimate regret? Was he really willing to put us in that situation? He answered no, cut our bill in half, and kept the line. I am quite certain the operator got some retention bonus.

It makes me wonder... If both of our cell phone batteries were dead, it is likely our cordless phones would be dead as well as I have a genetic deficiency that prohibits me from putting a cordless phone back on the cradle. But in all honesty, keeping the land line makes me happy. My cell phone often finds its way into couch crevices and under pillows, so it is worth $20 a month to save me about 30 minutes a week trying to locate that damn thing.

Hardee-har-har

2008-09-06T11:00:00.001-05:00

Q: What do you do if attacked by a group of clowns?

A: Go for the juggler.

Treadmills=trouble

2008-09-06T10:32:00.002-05:00

I am not trying to turn this into a jog-blog, but running every other day is really consuming my life. It's just new and I need to get used to the new lifestyle (I went to bed at 2am and was up at 6:30 to run 3 miles).

Last week I became aware of my lack of equipment--shoes especially. I had heard of this store on the up and coming East Downtown Austin that will basically custom fit shoes for you. Here is what happened when I went in:

The saleslady had me bend my knees and curl my toes to look at leg alignment. She then brought out 3 pair of shoes she thought would fit me. As I tried on each pair, I went to a treadmill where my feet were videotaped to make sure the shoes would support my stride. I then watched my duck-like stride in slo-mo.

The first pair fit just fine, but my feet didn't sing when I donned them. The second pair was super cute and fit fine and I was about to leave with them, but my nagging conscience told me to try the third pair. As the saleslady opened the box, I saw the shoes in their ugly splendor. I tried them on and they felt wonderful! But did I mention they were ugly? I let the treadmill make the decision.

Now, I don't go to gyms. I can tell you I can count on one hand the number of times I have been on a treadmill. Unfortunately, I fell off said treadmill, dodging injury by catching myself on the hand rails and kicking my feet out of danger's way. Even more unfortunate was the fact there was a line for the shoe thingy and my sister was there to chant, "Replay! Replay!"
The only thing that saved me was the saleslady had no sense of humor and therefore no desire to watch the replay of my near death.

So what else was there to do? Buy the UGLY shoes and try to save as much dignity as possible.

i am so sure

2008-09-04T22:35:00.002-05:00

Note to self:

Make sure your ipod is charged before going jogging so you won't have to put silent earbuds on and pretend to rock out so no one knows you have no music to hear. It's just good sense.

I heart SF

2008-09-04T12:09:00.002-05:00

I have been promising a blog about San Francisco....

We had a great time, of course--The weather was hot (lingering around 90) so I didn't get the benefit of cold weather. I was initially upset because after all the 100 degree days we've had here, I longed to wear a jacket. It turns out I was lucky.

We spent the first night in San Fran at a Giant's game. The park there is beautiful, sitting right on the water. They offer good food and good beer. It is more like an old-school park with dark red brick and the bullpen on the field. The game was good and the company was interesting (we went with one of Jeremy's office mates and the District Attorney for a small county in East Texas who had conservative views but was very nice). The night turned late and we were over served (my dad's favorite expression of being schnockered).

The following day I had a hard time getting out of the hotel room. I had one of the worst hangovers in the history of man and I couldn't figure out how I would see such a cool city with a pounding head. As I was contemplating the perfect plan to see everything with little to no physical effort, I looked across the street and saw a double decker tour bus. Perfect! I climbed aboard. The actual tour probably deserves a blog post of its own as its passengers heard all about the social reasons for homelessness and prostitution and the story line of the movie "The Pursuit of Happyness" 3! times. There was a time that I was laughing so hard I thought I would pee my pants, but all the sights were saw and I didn't have to walk a step to see them. It was sunny and clear and beautiful outside and when our bus drove across the Golden Gate Bridge, we had a breathtaking view of the city from the other side.

I took some amazing pictures, but unfortunately our main computer is feeling under the weather and I am unable to post them. When all was said and done, I gave San Francisco an A+ and hope to plan another jaunt there soon.

Don't swim in the kiddie pool

2008-09-03T07:29:00.004-05:00

This morning I got up at the hour of 5:30 to go to a marathon train. It was a cool, breezy morning and I watched the sun rise while getting good exercise. I am up early drinking good coffee and I thought, what better time to blog?

I have decided that I really dislike the culture of children. Don't get me wrong, I love children but I abhor words like "sippie cup" and "ouchless." I equally dislike the idea that just because a person has decided to procreate, she (and sometimes even he) gets special treatment in the world. Take this story for instance:

Jeremy and I were at the airport, about to depart for San Francisco. We usually walk with purpose and try hard to not get in any one's way, but for some reason, we paused at the entrance to security (keep in mind that the Austin airport is seldom busy and has never taken more than 20 minutes to get through to the gate). There was a family with 2 small children right behind us and here was our exchange:

Father: BEEP BEEP! (in Jill's ear)
Jill: Say huh?
Father: Uh, we are trying to catch a flight and we are in a hurry.
(Jill gives an ugly look)
Jeremy (not hearing the beep beep part): Sure, man, go ahead. We actually planned our trip to get us to the airport a little early like responsible adults.
Father: Well, it's just that we have CHILDREN.

Jeremy is such a nicer person than I. Because I think if you have children, you should let people ahead of you. Seriously, we have IDs and 2 carry on bags. You have 2 strollers, breast milk that needs testing, etc. In Jeremy's defense, he did not hear the grown man beep in my ear but had he, he surely would have told the man where to shove his stroller. He was appalled once he found out what really had happened.

The zinger was that we were sitting at our gate before those people were even cleared for security. At least airports have multiple lines.

It makes me nervous that if I ever do have children, my peers will behave in such a manner and my vocabulary will no longer be adult, but suited for someone who can't even form sentences.

More about the San Fran trip later(and hopefully pictures, too!)

Just a note

2008-08-24T20:16:00.002-05:00

I am sitting at my lazy boy while watching the Olympics. Jeremy finally got a wireless browser for his laptop and I could not be happier.

So an update: I did go my requisite 33 minutes and it hurts. My body is tired and I cannot seem to eat enough right now. It's gonna really hurt tomorrow.

I am sad the Olympics are over but I must admit that they were ruining my life. So I guess it is back to normal for me, whatever that is.

I am going to San Francisco this week for pretty much a day. Can't wait to feel 55 degrees.

I just decided this blog is boring and I am going to end it immediately.

Goodnight.

Run, run, run

2008-08-24T15:26:00.003-05:00

I have a training schedule that I am pretty much contractually obligated to follow. Day 1 was 3 miles (running or briskly walking). I did it with much less hurt than I thought I could.

The problem is today I am supposed to do 3.3 miles or 33 minutes, whichever comes first. I am totally procrastinating it as I am a bit sore and very tired. It might also rain.

This would explain why I am blogging today instead of waiting for my normal 16 day interval to pass.

My Restaurant is Classy

2008-08-22T17:22:00.003-05:00

I work at a restaurant that has provided me with a lifetime of amusing stories (especially after I have had a few). So far, these are the Hall of Famers...not so much with the amusing part, but more of an ick-factor. I can't believe I have known these people!

Patron #1 was busted with the largest cache of privately owned kiddy porn EVER. As a successful lawyer, you have to wonder why he spent so many days at a family friendly joint on his laptop for hours at end. To his credit, he did always have his back to the windows where you could see children running around.

We did get to see Patron #1 planning his defense with a table full of lawyers after he had been bailed out. At that time, he remained shy and very careful to not show anyone his face. Quite creepy, as it is my job to always be nice to paying customers. I never followed up in the news, but I am quite positive he got sent away for a very long time.

My first run-in with Patron #2 happened the night he told me he wanted to use my body as a plate for his dessert. I vomited in my mouth. Since that evening, I have been very careful to only politely nod at him when he is drinking. He has always given me the creep vibe and it has been affirmed by his new M.O. Porn on his laptop. That is right, ladies and gentlemen, it has been reported that when he sees cute girls at the bar, he immediately turns his laptop (sound on!) to pornographic websites.

What gets me most about this situation is this: Does he really think girls in their late 20's are going to be impressed by a disgusting older man watching porn in a public place. I try to imagine if I were the girls and that happened when I was at happy hour. Would I really turn to my friend and comment on how hot the 40 something man is while listening to, "that's right, give me some more.."? Ooh, I thought he was okay looking, but now that he is watching porn, he is soooo hot! Uh, no. What is his display to accomplish?

I am not 100% sure, but I swear I saw his mug shot on the news the other day for arrest in connection with sexual assault. I can't tell because no one looks the same in flourescent lit prison orange as they do in the lovely lights at my work. We'll have to see if he is back soon or not. I really hope not, because as he has not yet been caught in the act by staff, there is no solid proof. I feel that I am too old to have the "Porn is for home" conversation with anyone, especially a creepy old customer.

Purple is the new Black

2008-08-21T11:31:00.002-05:00

I have decided to train to run a 1/2 marathon for the Team in Training fundraiser the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society holds all over. 13.1 miles seems pretty steep right now, especially since currently I don't think I can run even 1/4 mile. It will be interesting! Thanks to all who voted about whether or not I should do it. 1 for yes and 1 for no.

I am sure all you in Blogville will hear about my ventures in running and if you are ever interested about my fundraising progress, you can visit
http://pages.teamintraining.org/ctx/pfchangs09/jbracken

As the days go by, hopefully this website will get cooler and cooler, that is if I am not too busy running.

Wish me luck!

Update

2008-08-19T17:07:00.003-05:00

If your local grocery store does not have any ripe bananas, under no circumstances should you instead purchase "bull" bananas next to the plaintains. Nothing you could purchase could substitute for taste in a blueberry banana muffin, especially when the only sweet part is the banana.

The muffins were not so good. Oh well.

Betty Crocker has nothing on me

2008-08-18T23:07:00.003-05:00

Just so you know, I am currently baking. That is right. Unfortunately, I am a terrible baker. I cannot measure ingredients correctly due to spacial issues and impatience, but I love to bake just so my house smells warm and delicious.

It is my boss's birthday tomorrow and we sit in on a recurring Tuesday breakfast meeting, so I figured I would bake. Now that I think about it, it seems a little brown-nose-ish and totally not my style, but I like my boss and I hope he likes the blueberry banana muffins I baked in his honor.

The other day

2008-08-06T12:23:00.002-05:00

I am a recovering beauty products junkie. As such, I try hard to stay away from stores specializing in the art of beauty. I rarely allow myself to walk by the area at grocery stores unless I need something.

The other day Jeremy and I went to Best Buy, both in the mood to spend some of our hard-earned money. I personally wanted a Wii (they were out) and Jeremy actually needed quite a few things. After about 20 minutes and no game console to speak of, I decided to get out of there and go next door to Ulta, a beauty store mecca. Jeremy was to meet me over there as soon as he was finished with his purchases.

Big mistake! I had what turned out to be an unlimited amount of time of unsupervised shopping. I went for shampoo and conditioner and ended up spending an embarrassing amount of money. The real zinger is they packed my objects into a teeny-tiny bag, making me feel all the more guilty about my total.

I vow to never go into that store without my sister, who is my spending conscience.

Grocery Store Drama!

2008-08-05T19:11:00.002-05:00

...I left the store quite annoyed, as you have already read. But nothing was more annoying than the dill weed who honked at the very nice man who stood in front of me in line. Mr. Dill was impatient with Mr. Nice for walking across the pedestrian walk way and into the parking lot. I suppose Mr. Nice was using precious seconds of Mr. Dill's time. I assume most people drive into a grocery store parking lot expecting people to walk in the middle of the drive ways and practice the calming skills given to him at birth. Not Mr. Dill.

Honking was not enough for him, he had to have words with Mr. Nice (the pair happened to be parked next to one another). I watched, rooting Mr. Nice on. Mr. Nice was not having the fact that some jack ass was yelling at him for no reason and it was interesting to see his face go from a very pleasant expression to a reddening madness.

I thought for sure the incident would end in some punch or slap, but instead Mr. Dill started walking away at which time I jumped in my car, hoping for the opportunity to honk at him. That would have taught him, right? I didn't time it well, so I just honked. When he looked my way, I pointed at him and laughed.

The most amusing part of the parking lot drama is that Mr. Dill waited outside by the door and watched his car to make sure Mr. Nice didn't key it or slash his tires. I can only assume that has happened to him before. Quite honestly, he probably deserved it.

Why I hate to grocery shop

2008-08-05T18:47:00.003-05:00

I have lived in the same place for about 5 years, and as a result, I know the aisles of all three grocery stores in my neighborhood by heart. I have the proven ability to zip in and out of these stores with no problems. I even use the three stores for different things-- the Randall's by my house is for quick stops, the HEB on my side of the highway is for big trips and the other HEB is for more refined meals as they have a larger variety.

Last week I had to work a considerable heavier schedule than normal. My brain was scrambled and my body was tired. All that was standing between my 12 hour shift and home was a bag of cat food. So I stopped at the Randall's, proceeded immediately to aisle 6 aka "Pet Place", walked the requisite 12 paces to get to Luckberts brand of food, and found evaporated milk. Huh?

It turns out that Randall's is doing a drastic remodel. Aisle 6 is still named "Pet Place" but not for long. This was too much for me to handle. I was too tired to figure it out--I actually stood in the middle of the grocery store for a good five minutes trying to figure out where I was going. I felt very stupid and disoriented, but it felt good to laugh at myself.

Today I needed just a few things for dinner and to do some light shopping, so I chose to drive the extra mile to grocery store #2, located smack-dab in the middle of a very established neighborhood. I can only imagine its patrons have shopped there for as long as it has been open, which I think is around 20 years. It was the rush hour for grocery stores (around 6pm) and there were more people than usual for this time of day. Everything seemed normal until I realized every other aisle was empty. Surely the recession hasn't gotten this bad, right? No, it is another remodel. This time I had much less patience for it because no one knew where to find anything. Everyone was pushing his cart in circles it seems. I couldn't even locate the bread aisle, lost my patience, so I got the heck out of there!

For goodness sakes!

2008-07-20T09:16:00.002-05:00

Hello. I didn't realize how long it had been since I blogged, but my fans keep a running tally. My dad was able to tell me the exact date and time I last blogged. What have we been up to?

Nothing.

Working, hanging out with my parents, cleaning bathrooms, trying to fix a mini-crash on our computer.......Pretty boring stuff (except the parental visit) which is why I haven't blogged in a while.

We are currently hosting friends from Orlando, so maybe they can aid in a blog-worthy story.

I guess stay tuned, or at least check back in August!

Welcome Home, J-dog aka Meat

2008-07-01T11:34:00.002-05:00

Jeremy is home! Finally I have someone to pester. Take this anecdote, for example:

Sunday night 8pm-ish...

Jill: Let's go for a walk.
Jeremy: I don't really want to. I am still very full from my wonderful Mexican lunch.
Jill: But....
Jeremy: Please, let's just sit here and watch TV.
Jill: (starting to pout) While you were gone, I always noticed couples holding hands walking around the neighborhood around this time and it made me miss you and it would mean so much to me for us to go on a walk blah, blah, blah, blah...
Jeremy: Fine, we can go on a walk if that is what will make you happy (he's that kind of guy).

Jill and Jeremy change clothes and step outside.

Jeremy: It looks like it is going to rain. In fact, I just felt some raindrops on my head.
Jill: It's not going to rain. You obviously haven't been in Texas for a while. Those clouds are going to pass. I know everything, especially about barometric pressure.
Jeremy: Well, if you say so. Let's go.

The couple begins to walk while the darker clouds move in.

Jill: It is a good thing we left when we did so we can have a nice walk and beat the rain.
Jeremy: I think it is raining harder, but if you want, we'll keep going.

Jill and Jeremy walk for a quarter of a mile...

Jill: This sucks, it's kind of raining hard now, let's turn around.
Jeremy clears his throat without having to say, "I told you so."

The wetter the couple got, the more amused Jill became. Jeremy just kept giving her a look that expressed his frustration of being soaked to the skivvies while not even wanted to go out in the first place.

It was nice to have the rain, but maybe not in the middle of the walk. I even tried to jump in a puddle but instead fell on my butt. This made me laugh hard.

Long story short: Jeremy is a nice guy who will go on a walk with me to make me happy even though he knew it would rain and that we would get soaked. There is no better way I could show him I loved him than making him stand in the deluge that blessed Austin on Sunday. Welcome home, baby!

Gotta love Austin

2008-06-24T13:50:00.002-05:00

Interesting things I have seen over the past month while driving my car in the ATX (that's what all the cool kids call Austin):

1. An 80 year old Chinese man doing high kicks while simultaneously walking.

2. A middle aged man running down the highway carrying a lit torch a la the Olympics.

3. A man riding his bike dressed as Jesus while his bits hung out.

I'm so lame

2008-06-23T22:31:00.002-05:00

The only good thing I have noticed about Jeremy moving 1500 miles away is that I can watch whatever I please on TV. Take Saturday for instance-- I was excited to find the women's Olympic trials were on NBC. This for me can make any weekend night at home worth not being out, but add Bela Karolyi as a sports analyst to the equation and forget about it! His thick Romano-English (yes I made that up) left co-analyst Bob Costas and the entire viewing community wondering what the hell he was saying. It was quite amusing to watch Costas squirm, thinking of how he was going to respond to such jibber-jabber. Bob's response? "Hmmm. That's an interesting perspective." If only there were live subtitles. That made me giggle.

After my amusement of gymnastics had waned, I started flipping the channels and lucky for me, I found a show about my all-time favorite psychopath, Laura Hall. For those of you not familiar with Ms. Hall, she is the girl who helped Colton Pitonyack dispose of a UT college girl's body and flee to Mexico. When expedited back to the US and asked why she helped a man suspected of murder, she replied, "that's how I roll." It seems the only people who don't believe she looks guilty are Laura Hall and her lawyer, who allowed this interview. It was less an interview than the ramblings of a crazy girl. Her story has changed no less than five times and she had to tap dance around her alibi all the while exhaling like a lunatic.

***Note: I understand it is sad that a girl was murdered, but what amuses me about the situation are the circumstances around the cover-up. Colton and Laura are getting exactly what they deserve and that is why I am amused.

Anyways, I am glad that Jeremy is coming back home for good...I can expect to watch the Astros and shows about WWII and rid myself of trash TV forever!

"oh my gato!"

2008-06-21T20:17:00.003-05:00

It's a sad state of affairs when your parents post 4 blog entries to your one. Trust me on this one.

Speaking of gatos...my cat is the fattest you could imagine. I think she is twenty pounds now. This is a very boring and stupid thing to blog about, so I will not anymore. I do have to mention that I felt obligated to bring up my cat after the title so I did. Get over it!

It's been too long

2008-06-17T11:41:00.003-05:00

Much to the dismay of my family, I do not blog very often. I blame it on the heat in my computer room. It is so hot in here that I am using it to justify getting a laptop. I feel if I can type while sitting in relative coolness I will blog much more often. I do need to keep the three people that read my blog happy.

So here is my blog-worthy story:

A couple of weeks ago I found a red-eared turtle in my driveway. We live next to a creek and he had apparently gotten lost. I don't know, maybe his parents made him mad so he ran away from home. I took a minute and said "hello" and went on my merry way. Later that day I told Jeremy about my encounter and he made me feel like by not putting him back in the creek, I was sending him to his impending fate--death by car. I thought if I had the chance to do it again I would surely save the rare turtle.

Lo and behold, the next day there he was in my driveway again! I knew my fate was to save him and the only thing standing in my way was my fear of picking him up. I decided to grow a pair and just do it. I crouched down and moved my hand to pick him up but he sensed me and started running...pretty fast for a turtle. I guess he felt playful because we played a game of cat and mouse (or rather chicken and turtle) for a good five minutes. Every time I had my hand in place to pick him up, he would run away. It was all amusing until he turned the tables and started chasing me. It was at that point I decided I am a city girl and have no business around wild organisms. If this turtle didn't want my help, I didn't want to ruin my manicure to try. If this story seems pathetic to you, it will seem so much more when you see the turtle I was against:

It's true that he was no bigger than a half dollar in diameter. I am a wimp!

DC stories

2008-06-11T20:41:00.003-05:00

Alrighty.... As we all know, Jerome is not big on blogging. I love to read them, mind you, its just that I'm not one to babble on about the mindless happenings of my boring days (unless Ive had a few, and that doesn't count). However, I promised my beloved Jillbert I would blog now and then, since she took the effort to create this lovely site. So here goes...

Since Im in DC, I try to take advantage of the unique opportunities living in this city provides. A few months ago, I saw the Pope and the Prez. You are all blessed (your welcome). I just recently visited Gettysburg, and yesterday I decided to go to book signing at Politics and Prose (famous DC bookstore) for everyone's favorite snitch Scott McClellan. Now, keep in mind Im not a huge fan of his or anything, but I am curious to read his book so I figured why not. Unfortunately, like every book signing, there was a question and answer session before we got to meet him. Cue the crazy woman with an attitude and towel-looking thing wrapped around her head.

Said crazy woman proceeded on a long-winded, unintelligible diatribe basically describing how Bush is the devil, and how she is an expert b/c she served as a clinician (whatever the term implies) for the Army. This starts the predictable minor applause simply by its anti-Bush flavor, to which McClellan replies "Im sorry...is there a question?" Reply - "Yes...how do you feel about that?" "Im not even sure what it is that I'm supposed to respond to, so Im not going to respond." The next question, from a self-professed conspiracy theorist who looked all of 12 years old, asked McClellan if he thought the Bush administration would pull some shenanigans in the upcoming election in order to elect McCain, who would be sort of the puppet of the Bush family. "Uhhh...No. Next question." Last question was also brilliant - "Do you feel guilty for forming the policies that helped to ruin our nation?" Thus endeth the questioning.

Again, its not that I like McClellan or Bush, but this man is here to talk about his book and all people can think to do is treat him like he is still working in the administration. Further, I don't think they realize what his job was - he didn't create any policy, he was just a glorified mouthpiece. So I would like to thank the brain trust that represented the great city of DC last night for their wonderfully not-so-well-thought-out questions. I feel enlightened. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to change the bandages on my head so I can pound it against the wall some more.

Joolie named her cat

2008-06-03T23:21:00.001-05:00

She asked me not to announce the name on her blog, but please check hers for the grand announcement. PS have a nice day.

AHHHHHHHH!

2008-05-23T18:40:00.002-05:00

There is a big, giant wasp in my garage. Every fifteen minutes I open the door to let him out but he keeps coming back. I just wish he would go away so I can do my laundry.

I also wish my sister would come by to get her wedding present since I won't be able to deliver it until next week. I can't wait to give it to her!

It's my sisters bday!

2008-05-20T22:06:00.003-05:00

In just a few hours, my beloved sister turns 30ish. ''''''''''''''''''''''''' All those apostrophes (or atrocities as I refer to them) are in her honor. I hate using those devil signs.

Anyways, Joolie is a very nice person who googles doctors with me and always gives me beer when I visit her.

I wish her one of the best b-days ever! I dont mind dashes or hyphens.

I am blogging in the dark on a laptop.

I'm All-American!

2008-05-18T20:33:00.003-05:00

The other night, I had the opportunity to go to a baseball game. One of my vendors from work offered us his company's suite filled with food and beer. I must say a good time was had by all. It was just sixty degrees, the game was good, and the crowd got to witness a player from the opposing team get ejected by demonstratively arguing a call. Mind you I was far away, but could see the F-word more than any other coming from his mouth. We cheered him on and then laughed at his walk of shame to the clubhouse.

The funniest part of the evening came when the game was over. On certain evenings the team sells baseballs for $1 marked with a number. When the game is over, those who bought a baseball can stand in the front row and try to throw the ball into a large trash can placed at second base. If you get it in you split $1000 with whomever happens to make it also. All the money goes to charity. My friends and I could not pass up the opportunity.

I played softball for about 10 years. My favorite position was third base because I had an incredible knack for throwing out runners at first. I did not think I would make the trash can, but I certainly thought I would make it further than this:

Yes, the ball circled is mine. By my calculations only three other people threw worse than me (and there were an incredible number of children there for a school night). As soon as the ball left my hands I knew it was a crappy throw, so I put my head down and ran into the crowd so no one could recognize me. My friends laughed at me and then we left. It was a great night.

Adventures in Lawnmowing

2008-05-08T18:03:00.006-05:00

When I was twelve or so, my dad decided he could get us to mow the lawn by offering $20 for the service. My sister took him up a couple of times and I was jealous of all the extra money she had. I decided it was my turn. My dad gave me a quick tutorial and I was on my way. I could barely handle the machine. Half way through the job, my dad's nerves could no longer take it so he paid me $10 and sent me pouting. I have not touched a lawnmower since. In fact, until today I could not even work one.

Fast forward 18 years...

Before Jeremy left I realized that I would eventually need someone to mow my lawn. Luckily, I did a favor for a friend who agreed to mow my lawn once in return. Unluckily, I had to cash in said favor, voiding the chore.

I woke up this morning with the realization that my poor lawn could not go one more day without being mowed so I went to my work (today is my day off) and tried to bribe some of my employees $20 to come over and help me out. Nobody was available. It was at that point I realized I had to grow a pair and do it myself. This morning:

I run a restaurant. Surely I can work a lawnmower, right? Well, I am a bit timid so I called everyone I know to ask their advice on how to work one. I couldn't tell which way was forward and how to put the gas in. Don't even get me started on priming the engine! It took about fifteen tries to get this puppy started (I hid downhill so no passers-by could laugh at my efforts). Once I heard the roar of the engine, I felt powerful in a feminist "anything you can do I can do better," sort of way. End result:
Sadly, I am way more proud of myself than anyone should be.Mowing the lawn is something that elementary kids do (Jeremy's words, not mine). I lead such a charmed life.

Tulips!

2008-05-06T22:25:00.000-05:00

Jeremy is a very nice fellow, although he makes fun of blogging quite often. He sent me tulips at work to remind me of our wonderful trip to DC. What a nice boy!

2008-05-06T22:24:00.001-05:00

Blogs are lame...