Restaurant Stories...

Those of you who follow my blog or my life in general have been privy to interesting customer stories. It's quite amazing the people and situations I have faced--every time I am in such a situation, I feel that it will never get weirder/grosser/meaner than that instance. Here are some stories of a certain group. It does involve a little background, so be patient with me...

I work in one of the more affluent areas in Austin. As such, the panhandlers are of special breed. There are 3 or 4 (depending on the season) that hold down the corner. There is a papa bear, and a blind bear (he doesn't come around very often) and two faux military cubs, one of whom's barf I had to clean up. Papa bear is pretty cool. He has Parkinson's and his disability barely pays his rent. You can always count on him for a kind word or extremely raunchy joke. The others I could punch in the face. Would you like to know what happens after shots of tequila and many beers? Neither did I.

A few months ago, a customer approaches me to inform me the men's room "needs a little attention." I sent a waiter in there to see what the problem was. He immediately came back with a horrible look on his face and informed me someone had vomited over the entire bathroom. That's right, pizza! How he got pizza is beyond me... Anyways, that evening I found no less than three piles across the restaurant of regurgitated pizza I had to make disappear. Somehow, now he has become the responsible one.

Younger cubbie bear likes to make the waiters do extra work and then not tip. Well, actually, that is not true. His favorite phase is, "Here is my tip for you: don't walk in a dark alley without a knife. Har. Har. Har."

So, I guess in one's life you can expect to clean throw up from now to then, but this dude did something that made my jaw drop. He was very upset that we were not allowing him to drink anymore. So instead of leaving, he took his empty glass to his nose and blew out as much snot as his body weight. Trust me when I say you would be surprised by how much snot a human body is capable of putting into a pint glass. He then put the glass on the bar as if nothing ever happened. Seriously?

I have no cute way to wrap up this story. I only wish this dude a job and mental stability. And that he will not visit my establishment until both those things grace his life.