Can I have a drink please?

One of the first lessons I learned living on my own was never to go to the grocery store hungry. We've all done it and ended up with a bunch of disgusting crap our pets would never eat. I never considered the ramifications of going thirsty, which I did today. Lets examine my purchases:

8 Sprites, 8 Cokes, Gallon of grapefruit juice, 4 flavored waters, 4 Izze blackberry sodas, 2 large bottles of water, milk, coffee, and a six pack of beer. This does not seem all that much unless you consider that I only bought about 3 food items. I didn't even realize the skewed ratio until I checked out. The funny thing is that one of my impulse purchases included a travel mug to put all my drinks in.

I can't wait to see Jeremy's face when he opens the fridge and finds nothing to eat for dinner tonight. Whatever he eats, he'll have plenty to wash it down with (that's for you, Patrick!).

Beauty Sleep

I recently purchased a flat iron for my hair. This is no regular run of the mill flat iron, it somehow works magic (little elves inside?) to get hair looking smooth and soft--other devices don't even compare.

I know how to use flat irons, but I thought with the amount of heat my new one pumps out there may be extra precautions, so I decided to actually read the owner's manual. I flipped through it... Don't use in the bathtub or submerge with water. Check. Don't use on skin, near aerosol, or near an open flame. Ok, that sounds like common sense, right? But what I can't get my head around was don't use while sleeping. ??? Some instance of use while snoozing must have occurred for the company to put that in the manual, but for the life of me I cannot come up with a realistic scenario as to what that was. It makes me giggle every time I do my hair.

Now that'll get you going in the morning

When Jeremy and I leave for the day, we go out our garage, which we have to lift manually. When Jeremy left today, the garage made a bunch of noise as always, and Jeremy added to that noise by throwing a lot of expletives. He bounded back into the house urging me to come look at what he had discovered. By the din he made, I half expected to see a rattle snake, and what was there was just as bad (no, it's not a rat):

This picture does not do much justice to the centipede, but look at the website below and those images are exactly what was in our garage.

This six inch centipede had landed on the ground not two inches from Jeremy's head. The horror! We deliberated on how to handle the situation (I clearly made it known it was a finder's keeper's situation: he found the problem and therefore must keep the responsibility of solution). Would Raid be effective? What would be sturdy enough to beat it? Never did we consider keeping it alive. My wimpy self shut the door and told him to deal with it before I vomited out of terror. Brave Jeremy then picked up a shoe and beat the centipede 10 times to its demise. He then put it in a ziplock bag so we could show our pest guy.

Jeremy using a gopher to put the centipede into a plastic bag.

My stellar researching found this website. Now what is unclear is the nesting habits of this particular breed of centipede. There could be hundreds more for all we know. What I do know is that it will be a long time before I go into the garage again, which is a shame since that is where we keep our brand new washer and dryer. Luckily, I did all my laundry the other day.

Let's give it up for Jeremy. He not only almost got it from a centipede but was able to pull it together to get rid of the problem. He may be Indiana Jones-ish--my hero!

EWWWWW!

Heffeweizen, in my opinion, is quite a tasty beer. I used to prefer it...I mean, it is cirtusy, refreshing, and colorful. Who wouldn't want to order a pint of unfiltered deliciousness? The answer is now me.

About a year ago one of our drains at work started backing up. After an assessment, it was determined that a plumber was in order. Joseph came by with a big, giant drain snake and started to it. All of a sudden, this oozy, pink, throbbing, and COLD! substance started pouring out. What? It turns out that it was unfiltered yeast that had built up over the year we started serving heffeweizen on tap. It had fingers and a pulse. Did I mention it was cold? The plumber kept saying, "Thank God I know what this is or else I would be vomiting now," while siphoning the pipe with his mouth. He had it all over his hands and keptflicking it all over us. The bartender and I were in awe and quite disgusted. That scene has never left my memory and I no longer enjoy heffeweizen.

I once mentioned this to someone close to me who has someone close to him/her who works at a bar. This person had the same thing happen, only with a dead rat in the center of the madness. That would have sent me over the edge.

I only mention this because today I had a mini-bout with some yeast. Probably about 8 feet of it. And yes, it was cold.

What happens in Vegas...

Last week, Jeremy and I went on an impromptu jaunt to Las Vegas. The lure of basketball was too much for us to resist. Besides losing our life savings, we had a wonderful time. Here is the best story:

Friday night at about 11pm we were full of cocktails and ready to relocate. We couldn't decide where to go as it was far too early to take it to the hotel. It was a whole lot of "Let's go here...No...how about here..no." and so on. Until it was, "Let's go get married. YES!" So we did.

Although it was sad to not have our family and friends there, it was fun and we are happy.

Ha, Ha...April Fools Day!

Couch update.

I PROMISE I am not turning this into a couch blog, but I think it must be noted that we have a strict no cat, food, or beverage rule for our couch. With that being said...

My sister came over last night and we were chatting on the couch until we opened a beer and we immediately had to sit on the floor. Same thing this morning--I am enjoying my "morning-off" coffee but cannot do so on the couch. It's probably for the best as I am quite accident prone.

On another note, last night Joolie and I discovered probably the best show on television to date. We couldn't peel our eyes off the screen.

Couch Potato

In 1996 my college apartment caught fire. It went down in the glory of a 6 alarm fire. Everything was lost, including a new-to-me 8 foot couch that was my prized possession. Later that week, my roommate and I purchased a used couch set for very cheap. It was comfy enough and just cute enough to not be ugly (at the time at least). Over the years, the set turned into just the love seat. This has been our couch--like it or not--until today.

As I blog, I am sitting on the couch that has been my dream since I first spotted it at Crate and Barrel. My sister and I would go there for the sole purpose to sit on it (she has a dream couch there too). It was out of reach until Jeremy and I found it at Haverty's. For over a year we have been measuring and debating and figuring out just how we would get this couch. His parents even gave us the money for it Christmas of 2007. On Saturday, we decided enough was enough and we bought it. With quick delivery, we got it today.

One problem....Our living room is very narrow and the couch swallows it whole. We can no longer call this our living room but rather the couch room. But it is beautiful and everything I hoped for.

So, welcome to adulthood, Meat and Bert! First a washer/dryer, now a couch. What next?

Word-n't you like to be in the dictionary?

I am very word sensitive. There are certain made-up words that said properly, send me into a white-hot rage. Let's explore:

Sippie cup and ouchless are timeless as I have not enjoyed these words for years now. A sippie cup is the transition from a bottle to a normal cup. It's a wonderful invention from what those with children have told me, but made totally worthless by its name. Ouchless? Really? This term usually refers to hair ties and band-aids. Are people so afraid of the pain these products cause that they wouldn't consider buying them with out the ouch-free promise? UGH!

Taco Bell has coined one of my newest word-nemeses..."melty", as in a delicious, melty taco. You may have noticed that this word is spreading like wildfire. Most fast food commercials now use it to describe their menu items as well. To me, it makes the food sound gross. Kind of like they are using government cheese to produce such melt. I guess we can be thankful that gooey is off the table.

I also have a budding hatred of the term "lol". Although not used as a word per say, it is rampant and in my opinion, often unused. How often does one really crack a joke while texting? And if said person does crack a joke, does he/she lack so much comedic confidence that it is necessary to say "lol"?

I always thought that I stood alone in the word hatred category. I have a friend who hates the word "moist" so much that she refuses to say it. We once went to eat BBQ and she made me order her extra-moist brisket for her. LOL!!!!

Oh, the things I saw yesterday...

Just a head's up...this blog will be way less interesting than the blog I would have posted the day someone brought a baby kangaroo into the restaurant. I could pretend I was there but that story is so far-fetched that my sister made me show her photographic proof of the incident before she would concede its actuality. So instead, feast your eyes on these tasty stories:

After a long day at work yesterday afternoon, I was off with a friend to have a beer and eat some food. My restaurant is the anchor of a small strip center, through which we must walk to get to the employee area. This may not be news to you, but now a days most strip centers have nail salons, many of which do not feature english-speaking technicians. My restaurant's location is no different. As we walked by the salon, the owner beckoned us over and asked for our help. I do always fashion myself quite the hero, so even thirsty and hungry, we stopped to see if we could be of service. What we found inside was horrifying. A lady was locked in the bathroom--the door had broken. This was no door you would find at your home, it was a commercial door with no ability to mess with the lock from the outside. The nail ladies were frantically trying to free her with a small paperclip and perhaps even a prayer. Once she heard our voices, she started pleading with us to call the fire department. Her voice was a little panicky, so there is no telling how long she had been stuck inside. Once we realized we would be of no use to these people, we advised calling 3-1-1 and went on our merry way. Thirty minutes later the fire department showed up and had to use a sledge hammer to get the door open. I know it is not good karma, but I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. I am quite lucky that I didn't as the bathroom in the salon was occupied.

Since this is a long post, I will skim over the next story. I saw a grown man eschew the bathroom in favor of washing his hands by spraying windex on them. That one is new to me and I couldn't quite get it.

Dry me a river

Yesterday, I finally got the much anticipated washer and dryer. They are beautiful and currently the most valuable items I own. As soon as the delivery dude left I started attacking my laundry. With our old pair, it would take a long time to dry clothes. It once took me 8 hours for 3 loads, so I was pretty excited to compare the dry time. About midway through the very first load I opened the dryer to gauge progress and noticed that it smelled quite pepperminty in there. I then noticed what looked like tread marks on the dryer. Backtrack for a minute...remember when I washed my ipod? I am not so much with the laundry.

What I found in my dryer was GUM!!!!!! So basically I spent hundreds of dollars on a piece of equipment that will never not have gum stuck in it. From what I can gather, an unopened piece made it past my vigilant pocket emptying process. I wanted to cry. I still do.

On the bright side, that load of laundry smells delicious.

Bert's Half Marathon...The Sequel

As you probably know, I ran the Austin 1/2 marathon on Sunday, my second this year. The difference between the two is night and day. During #1 (Phoenix), I thought I was going to die and therefore not cross the finish line. #2 was true to the dying part but I always knew I would and could do it. #1 was completely flat and #2 never had a flat moment. The list of differences goes on and on. I choose to not bore you with it.

I will tell you the main difference between Phoenix and Austin: the crowd. When I ran in Phoenix, there was rarely ever a time some spectator was not yelling at you to "Go! You can do it!" Sometimes even in different languages. I had my name on my shirt and people would call me out individually. It was amusing to see those people and it really helped the time pass faster. I kept thinking that if a perfect stranger says I can do it, then I might be able to. In Austin, however, it was so quiet along the race course, I could hear the sole of my shoe squeak. Except for the finish line (which was way better in Austin), there was rarely a time that strangers were yelling at you. At the start line, the runners were actually having to ask the crowd to yell for them. At times, I took matters into my own hands. "Let's hear it for mile 7," I would say. My friends would respond, "Woo Hoo. Arriba!" The other runners would respond with a glare. If they were meaner people, they probably would have told me to shut the F*%# up. Oh well.

The aftermath of #2 is way worse. I am sore from head to toe. Literally, my temples hurt. Walking down stairs is laborious and bending down not yet an option. But it was fun and worth it. I will put the Austin marathon in my heart along with all my other treasured memories. Who is up for a half marathon in April?

Update

This is the first Saturday since August that I have not had to get up early. It's been nice, but I must find a way to fill my mornings now. No running? What is a girl to do?

As you may remember, I went last Saturday to buy a washer/dryer. It was kind of an urgent situation as my current washer was on its last leg. Fortunately, I found a nice new pair. Unfortunately, my washer broke that same day and I was forced to visit the laundromat this week--my new ones don't come in until Thursday. What is it about laundromats? Do they offer a discount if you bring screaming children? If the answer is yes, do you have a screaming child I can borrow? I did witness a laundromat love connection: A single lady and single dude came in with their daughters who instantly became friends. They seemed to be into each other. When it was time for the dude to leave, the lady rushed over and used a playdate as a ploy to get the dude's digits. As far as I can tell, they are together this morning, sipping coffee and daydreaming about their future life together--they are thinking to themselves that their new family would be perfect given their daughters became such quick friends. Happy Valentine's to them and Mazel Tov!

So looking forward to this weekend: I have an inspirational lunch to attend, a race number to retrieve, and on Sunday, 13.1 miles to run. I wish chocolate candies housed in red hearts and roses to everyone (not me though, I hate Valentine's day)!

Saturday, in the Park....

Today marked the last Saturday morning run for a while, at least until I join a running group. It was kind of sad. What's always funny about the last of anything is how many people show up for it. Usually Saturday mornings only host about 20 people. This morning, however, there were people whom I had never seen before. I was all like, What? You're on my team? Where the hell have you been? Not really, I don't care that much. I'm just ready for my 1/2 marathon next Sunday.

I do have quite a Saturday to face: I found my freshman year roommate (or at least 1/2 my freshman year. She got kicked out of the dorm a la Michael Phelps) through Facebook. She lives in Ecuador and just happened to land in Austin the day we became "friends." We will lunch along with her husband (Jeremy refuses to go). Then, I will buy a washer and dryer and hang out with my sister, not necessarily in that order. It's possible I will multi-task and do them at the same time. You see, I have not seen my sister in over a month, yet she lives three miles from me and if I don't buy a washer soon I will probably run out of clean laundry. I then plan to go to bed early as I am already POOPED and it is not yet 10am.

I hope your Saturday is as great as I am hoping mine to be!

My Day

Today I had to run errands for work. Stupid, boring errands. One of my trips included a stop at the Home Depot plumbing section. If you know anything about me, you know that I am always less than impressed by Home Depot's "customer service." It has been my experience that once you can actually find someone in an orange apron, nine times out of ten they have no freakin' clue what they are talking about.

This time I had a plan...I was equipped with the proper lingo and a loose idea of what I needed. Hell, I even had measurements and past experiences with which to reference. I planned on leaving Home Depot victorious and maybe a little more learned about the nuts and bolts (or rather PVC pipes and elbows) about plumbing.

Sadly, I ran into the mother of all misogynists. He kindly smirked at me while talking and then sent me to a product so stupid it made my head want to explode. I patiently explained again what I needed and why his suggestion would not work--I mean, was he even listening to me--and he sent me on my way telling me he could not help. SAY WHAT?

I ended my visit in the electronics area and started talking to the dude there. He was quite helpful and recommended a plumbing supply shop just across the way that would have more know-how on how to fix my problem. I got the feeling he secretly agreed with my anti-Home Depot sentiment but that he really needed to pay the bills.

So, I am off tomorrow to once again experience what it was to be a woman in the 1960's. Thanks to all you feminists who have allowed me equal footing in most places today!

John Wayne is a wuss!

Does anyone else feel that all John Wayne movies are the same? Mr. Wayne always bosses people around, throws in a good quip here and there, and eventually triumphs over evil. Sometimes he messes people up, other times he bullies his subordinates into doing so for him.

Jeremy's dad believes that John Wayne hung the moon and can't understand why a "yankee" like myself cannot come to appreciate The Duke's awesomeness and the cinematic genius (his words, not mine) of the movies in which he acted. I once told Mr. Dad that I thought Mr. Wayne was a wuss. I once almost got disowned from the in-laws.

Anyways, I bring this up because we are watching the end of The Searchers. Jeremy wants me to watch the whole movie, but I feel I can get the gist by the last 30 minutes. I made my case and he agreed. Is it possible he is a closet Duke hater as well?

That's How We Bowl!

We are in a bowling league. We cut and pasted some friends from kickball and thus a team was born. Unlike our performance in kickball, our bowling team is actually pretty good. Up until last night we were undefeated.

We played a team named The Ninjas and they are really good. Even our best game can't beat their worst. What really hurts is that we're in second place. BOO!

This is a really boring post, so bye!

Ice Age?

Every winter, there is at least one mention of a wintry mix. What the weathermen predict involves a giant block of ice--don't leave your house or you could die!

Tonight happens to be such a night. Keep in mind I haven't had access to the weather all day, so this could all be in my mind. It makes me daydream of a fully iced-in city where I don't have to go to work. My street would be un-drivable and therefore I would be able to ride down the steep hill by my house on a cookie sheet without any fear of imminent death. I would wear the ski clothes I own for the second time and make snowangels and laugh and giggle until it was time to have hot chocolate (the only thing in my pantry at the moment) with peppermint schnapps and play cards with Jeremy all day long.

I'm sorry, was I rambling?

I hope you stay warm.

1/2 Marathon Epic

A week ago, I was in sunny Phoenix where the temperature lingered around 80 degrees. This morning, I ran in the blustery 37ish mark. What a difference!

The 1/2 marathon was an amazing experience. It was hot and hard--at the time I hated life. The night before the race, we went to a dinner that had an inspirational speaker who had us rolling on the floor in laughter. In his closing remarks, he mentioned that the best feeling of the race is when you know that you are going to finish. Well, even as I crossed the finish line (the ACTUAL finish, not the fake finish that they don't tell you is fake but put it there for photo ops. Bastards!) I never felt that feeling. The only thought running through my head at the end was that I needed to find the med tent so I could ice my knees which started really hurting at about mile .5. While running the 13.1 miles, I cursed a lot, sometimes in my head and sometimes out loud. I kept asking myself why I got into this stupid running hobby. I kept telling myself that I would never run again.

30 minutes after the finish, it started to dawn on me that I had accomplished my goal. Maybe not as well as I had originally wanted to, but finished none the less and it felt good. The more the days pass from the race, the more fond of it I become. I made sure to study the race map after so I wouldn't forget a single moment.

I think the best part of the whole thing is the honor I had of my cheering section. My cousin's wife made the most beautiful signs and my group of 11 or so cheered the loudest of any other group I saw. It was touching and amazing to see people whom I love share in my hard work (they had just as good a time being spectators too!) I am horrible about sharing pics online, so you can check out my folks' blog for some if you care.

So, what's next, you ask? The Austin 1/2 marathon in February. I'd like to think that I'll retire my running shoes after that, as my body is clearly not made for long distance races, but I seriously doubt it.

Thanks to everyone for putting up with me over the past six months and supporting me when I thought it was not possible! You may be able to toast to jog-free blog, but I cannot guarantee that.

In-awe-guration

Hey everybody! We're back! Before I even consider telling you about the 1/2 marathon, I must first tell you about my first day back to work:


I walked into work at about 11am (CST). The restaurant was full of people who had requested to watch the inauguration ceremony (we even had the sound of the TV's on). I swear for the duration of his speech you could hear a pin drop in the restaurant. No one was speaking, just kind of tranced toward the television. The phone didn't ring, time just stood still. The minute Obama said, "God Bless America," everything went back to business as usual. Just like that. I guess no matter your political alliance, it is nice to see a president who can orate, not wait and cross one's fingers that he won't say something absolutely stupid.

What's Up!

As if apparent tendonitis in my right foot was not enough, I now have been diagnosed with an IT Band strain. I am sports therapy for this condition. Less therapy than torture. As my race is now 10 days away, I am forced to visit the doctor nearly every day before I leave. They poke and prod me and get upset with me if I am not screaming in pain. It makes me grouchy and I can't tell whether or not it is working.

The grouchiness became actually a good thing the other day when I went to Target, which is now once again quiet and enjoyable. I have a problem of overspending there, especially on many, many impulse buys. But the other day, I had 4 things on my list and left with 6 items. The two extra items were forgotten from my list and definitely needed. I consider that a great victory and was quite proud of myself. I was too grouchy to buy what I would usually consider cute things.

Anyways, as I mentioned, I am 10 days out from my race. I am a nervous wreck and quite honestly freaking out. Hopefully I'll get to calm down and enjoy my stay in the Valley of Sun. Check out this website if you are the tiniest bit curious about the race. Otherwise, you'll just have to stay posted to hear about my time (I'm not sure if I'll take the time to blog between now and then).

2008 in Review

I meant to post this earlier, but somehow I ran out of time. Most people spend their New Year with bunches of resolutions. I have spent mine reflecting on how amazing it is that my life seems to get better every year. I don't need resolutions (although I have a few) because I trust that somehow this year will be better than last. That does however mean that 2009 is going to be pretty fun. Here is a synopsis of 2008 for both Meat and Bert:

January: I don't remember much of this but I know that Meat took a fun trip to Las Vegas.
February: Same as January, but change Meat's trip to Breckenridge for a very cold man ski trip.
March: My sister got married. Two days later, Meat moved to Washington DC for 4 months. Bert goes to Vegas.
April: My college roommate married. One week later, I starred in a commercial. Also, I went for a week to DC.
May: Meatbertvstheworld was born!
June: After long last, Meat returned home from DC.
July: Lots of trips to the lake, fireworks galore, fun times for summer.
August: Bert joined Team in training. Meat and Bert took a long weekend in San Francisco.
September: Bert discovers her love of running and never stopped talking about it. We rejoined a kickball league.
October: Meat and Bert take a week long trip to both Port Aransas and Las Vegas. Bert turns 24.
November: Meat turns 25. Thanksgiving was full of good food, football, and lots of family.
December: Holidays, fun, and lots of food!

We both feel very lucky to have had such a wonderful year. Welcome, 2009!